It Will Never Be Enough: The Trials of Newly Weds
by DeliciousNewYork
Summary: after Deathly Hallows, Harry's married to Ginny,But finds he's second guessing their relationship, he knows he's hurting Ginny but somethings keeping him from loving her.. Harryginny, RonHermione, HarrySnapeDraco,
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I started writing this after realizing that I didn't have any fanfictions that took place after the epilogue of book 7. I'm not sure if it's going to be just a one-shot, or if I'll add more... so let me know what you think

Diusclaimer: I own absolutely NOTHING

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It Will Never Be Enough

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"Harry! Come to bed," Ginny called from where she was already laying, half asleep.

_How many years are you going to do this Harry?_ A little voice asked inside his head.

"Just a minute, I, er, am going to check on the kids," Harry replied from where he stood, leaning against the counter in their kitchen. A half empty mug of ale sat on the counter in front of him. He hated the taste, but when he was drunk enough, he could go through with it.

Harry took a deep breath before bringing the mug to his lips and chugging the remaining ale. It burned down his throat. He went to the sink and filled the cup with water, to try and get the burning sensation out of his mouth.

"Harry!" He could tell she was drifting off by her tone of voice.

_Thank Merlin_.

He had avoided one more night of awkwardness. It's not that he didn't love Ginny, of course he did, but more in a best friend kind of way, he had found, than in a romantic kind of way. But now their friendship was in shambles, as was their sex-life, and all because he had jumped into marriage.

Nine-teen years they had been married, nine-teen years he had smiled and faked it, trying to make the best of a bad situation. Closing his eyes and seeing someone else as they slept together-

_Severus_.

Harry shook his head, trying to shake the thought from his mind. Hot tears formed in the corners of his eyes and he let them fall silently down his cheeks.

"Harry, please…." It would only be a few minutes now, a few minutes and she'd be asleep. A few minutes and he could lie there in the dark of their marriage bed, and think about the only person he had truly wanted.

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A/N Continued: I have some ideas for what I might do if anyone cares to read more.. But I haven't written anything else yet, so let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2: Don't Tell

A/N: After I saw that I already have four alerts on this story I wrote a little something up for you all, Let me know what you think..

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**Chapter 2: Don't Tell**

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Harry rushed, getting dressed for work, he had slept in. Avoiding going to bed while your wife is awake and may be expecting sex, took its toll. She had tried to get a little something going when she had woken up, but with their daughter, Lily stirring in the kitchen, he was saved.

It wasn't that he couldn't find ways to enjoy their time together, when he was drunk enough, or when he really needed it, he made due. It was just that he and Ginny differed somewhat in sexual style.

_That should have been my first sign that marriage was a bad idea_. But after he had gotten her pregnant, and on their fourth time, what are the odds? He felt like he had too, everyone expected him to, and he wanted to be a part of the Weasley family, just maybe not in that way.

_No turning back now_, he muttered to himself sighing. He had definitely thought about it. But he hadn't ever loved any man other than Severus, so it seemed stupid to break up what he thought would eventually become love, just because he was in love with someone that was no longer there.

And it had become love, it always was love, in some ways, just not the love he wanted.

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_"Do you think we have soulmates?" Harry had asked Hermione a few months after his marriage to Ginny. _

_"I'm not sure," Hermione had replied, "I mean, I think there are people we are supposed to be with, so I guess so, in a way I believe in soulmates." She had smiled like she thought Harry was implying that Ginny was his soulmate. _

_"I just worry sometimes.." Harry muttered, and Hermione's smile fell slightly. _

_"Worry? About what? Are you and Ginny having problems?" It was hard to talk about with Hermione, who's marriage to Ron seemed pretty flawless, sans their typical playful bickering, but he didn't know who else to go to. _

_"I just worry sometimes that I don't love her enough… you know?" She didn't know, and he knew she didn't know, but she nodded anyway. _

_"It's just a rough patch," She had said patting his arm, "You love her Harry, otherwise you wouldn't have married her, you'll get through it." _

_"I think I might love someone else-" The words came out before he could stop them and Hermione's eyes widened and her eyebrows drew together. _

_"What do you mean, someone else? Harry, please don't tell me you're having an affair-" _

_"No, it's nothing like that," She visibly relaxed at these words, "He-he's dead-" _

_"He?" _

_"Yeah… I think I'm in love with a… man-" _

_She hadn't reacted the way he had expected her to. He had expected Hermione, who was a lawyer who protected those commonly discriminated against, to be understanding. He had thought she'd hug him and tell him that everything would be ok and that he had to follow his heart. But she hadn't._

_"How could you do this to Ginny?" She was livid, "Harry, you dated her for two years before you married her, she's eight months pregnant with your son!" _

_"I didn't mean to- I didn't know until-" _

_"Harry Sirius died four years ago, two years before you even started seriously dating Ginny-" Harry was confused for a second before realizing that she had assumed it was Sirius. A part of him wanted to correct her, but her rage was so that he thought it better not to. "If you leave her now, not only are you going to ruin her, but you're also going to hurt your child." _

_She was right, and he knew it. Tears had welled up in his eyes at this point and Hermione's tone softened. _

_"I'm sorry," She started, "I just think maybe you're just confused, afraid of the commitment or something, you know? And he's not here anymore anyways.. You do love her, don't you?" He nodded, more out of obligation than any true emotion. "So it's just a phase…Right?" He nodded again and she turned serious again. "Maybe we shouldn't mention this to Ron, I think he'd be pretty angry if he thought you were screwing around with Ginny and then planning on leaving her.." _

_"Yeah, probably," _

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And they hadn't told anyone. Not a single soul.

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A/N Cont.: Yes? No? Maybe? should this continue?


	3. Chapter 3: A New Prospect?

A/N: I added a little to the name of the fic... so don't get too confused!

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Chapter 3: A New Prospect?

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"You're not gonna believe this, mate," Ron Wealsey said with a grin as he leaned against Harry's desk.

"What?" Harry asked looking up from the file he was scanning. The two were still, even nineteen years later, trying to keep track of where old deatheaters resided, as rumors of a new uprising seemed ever present.

"You know how I was working on that murder case in Canterbury; you know the one with the three young muggle women?" Harry nodded, "Yeah, well, you know, Malfoy Manor isn't far from Canterbury, so I thought I do a little research on our old _school mate_,"

"Which I told you was stupid because the Malfoy's haven't even been associated with any other deatheaters that we can find, since that night and, well, since Draco wasn't much of a deatheater for the year or so that he was inducted."

"I know, I know," Ron said rolling his eyes, "But its better safe than sorry. So anyways, I'm doing a little extra fieldwork-"

"Right and?" Harry was getting impatient.

"And, I found this," Ron handed Harry a small green pamphlet with the words _Draco's Real Escort Service_ on the front. Harry snorted as Ron started laughing in a loud guffawing manner. He opened the pamphlet to see a rather scantily clad Draco posing with both men and women on either side of him.

"Lonely?" the picture of Draco asked, "You don't have to be." Ron was practically crying now, he was laughing so hard. Harry had to admit, it was quite the sight, and the cheesy line didn't help matters much. But though he was laughing, there was a part of him that was slightly intrigued, a part of him that was now getting slightly aroused.

_What's going on? This isn't Severus, you've never been attracted to another man before… _

"So anyways, just thought I'd show you that," Ron said reaching to take it back, Harry pulled it out of his grasp and Ron gave him a puzzled look.

"I-er want to show Ginny," Harry said giving a little fake laugh. Ron nodded laughing again and walking across the hall to his office mumbling the catch phrase to himself in a mocking voice, "Lonely? You don't have to be…"

Harry opened the little pamphlet again peering down at the other man. He had a flash of something in his eye, something like anger or fury, a regular thing for a Malfoy, but there was also something more, something slightly vulnerable.

Harry shook his head.

_This is Malfoy, not Severus… He's not dark and vulnerable, he's shallow and ignorant. _

Harry tossed the pamphlet into his trash can. It was stupid, it's not like he was ever going to send a contact owl or anything. It was just some eye candy, a reminder that he had some homosexual preferences that he had to repress. The leather pants were nice though.

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A/N Continued: Do you still like the direction this is going? Should this be more Harry/Draco, Harry/Snape or should I try and keep some Harry/Ginny? any thoughts or comments?


	4. Chapter 4: Guilt

Chapter 4: Guilt

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"How was work?" Ginny asked. She was sitting in their living room, flipping through the Daily Prophet, undoubtedly searching for the sports section.

"Fine," Harry muttered passing her and walking into their bedroom. He loosened his tie and took off his jacket, tossing them onto their bed carelessly.

"Make any progress on the Canterbury case?" Ginny called from where she sat. "Ron told me that's what you two are working on."

"No real leads yet," Harry responded, his mind going back to the picture of Draco, lounging, topless, with men and women surrounding him.

_"Lonely?- You don't have to be." _

"That's too bad," Ginny muttered, standing and walking into the bedroom, smiling at Harry. Harry smiled back uneasily; guilt fell hard in his stomach. How could he be lusting after Draco Malfoy, from some stupid picture? He was married. So what if he didn't lust after her, he still loved her. At that thought Harry's mind shot to Severus.

_The only one I've ever loved and lusted after…_

"Well, practice went well today," Ginny broke the silence that Harry hadn't even noticed, so lost in his thoughts.

"Oh, good," Harry forced a smile.

"I think we've got a really good team this year," Ginny explained, as Harry wandered out of their room and towards the kitchen. "Which is good, because, well, I am captain…" Harry nodded as Ginny followed him. "Seeing as I'm not getting any younger, it could be my last season…" She paused, waiting for any sort of response. "It will be nice to go out on top…"

Harry was making himself a sandwich, thoughts of Severus swam in his brain amongst guilt and sadness.

_I want to be a good husband, Ginny doesn't deserve this. But what about my happiness? Can I really be happy, knowing that I'll never have that attraction again? Can I be happy with myself knowing that I can have that attraction for someone as vile as Malfoy? If only Severus were here- If only I had listened to my heart before I got tangled up in this mess- _

"Harry!" Ginny was standing in front of Harry, red-faced.

"Oh, sorry, what?" Harry asked, shaken from his thoughts.

"Have you been listening to me at all?" He could see that as angry and red-faced as she was, Ginny was more tearful than mad. Her eyes were rimmed with tears that she struggled to keep from falling. Harry stepped forward hugging her to his chest.

"I'm sorry, it's been a long day," He whispered, "What was it you were saying?" Ginny pushed out of his grasp.

"I've been saying that I'm retiring, Harry, they're _making_ me." Ginny had failed the battle she had been fighting with her tears and they were now sliding down her cheeks. "They've got some import, some girl from Denmark that they're replacing me with next season."

"I'm sorry, that's horrible," Harry said sincerely. Ginny just glared at him.

"She's a blonde, twenty-two year-old-" Ginny reached for some word to sum up all her anger, but couldn't find one and just shook her head, her face crumbling as she fell into tears. Harry stepped forward, once again, hugging the small red-headed woman, and this time she let him.

"Why don't you ever notice when I'm upset anymore?" Ginny asked in a small voice, as her tears subsided. Harry didn't answer. She stared at him a minute and then pulled away. "I should go pick up Lily," She said quietly.

"Oh, right, well, I could," Harry offered. Lily always spent Friday afternoons with her Grandparents, Molly and Arthur Weasley, at the burrow. Ginny shook her head, forcing a smile.

"I'll do it, I want to talk to my mum anyways."

"Ok," Harry said nodding, "I'll get dinner started?" He offered, Ginny nodded.

"I'll be back in a bit,"

"Alright, um- I love you, honey…" Harry choked on the words, slightly. It wasn't a lie, he _did_ love her. Ginny, paused a second, but didn't respond. Just stared at him sadly, nodded, and apparated.

She wasn't back in a bit though, and after waiting for an hour and a half, Harry began to eat the dinner of pasta and asparagus he had made for them. He stared at the extra food, growing cold, and the empty plates he had set out for his wife and daughter.

_You've really fucked up this time_.

She had seemed fine, Harry reflected as he paced the length of their living room. Granted, he hadn't really been paying that much attention.

_How did we get to this point? _

Things had definitely not been ideal, even from the start, but they had made due, and at some points, he really did think he was in love with her. In love with her in the way that he was with Severus… But he couldn't fool himself forever.

_What now? _

Was Ginny going to leave him? Take Lily and the boys and go live with her mother? He deserved it, he deserved to have her leave him- Harry started contemplating what this meant, he'd be single again. Would he pursue a relationship with someone else? No. There was only one person for him, and if he couldn't have Severus, and couldn't make it work with Ginny, than he didn't deserve anyone else.

"Harry?" Harry turned, seeing green flames appear in the large fireplace adorning the center of the living room wall. Ginny face appeared in the flames. "Harry, I'm so sorry," She said looking guilty.

"It's ok, are you alright?" Harry asked, kneeling down next to the fireplace. Ginny nodded.

"I'm just not feeling well, and I have a game, early tomorrow, so Lily and I are going to spend the night at my parents house…" Harry nodded. "It's just easier, Lily's already fallen asleep…"

"I'll meet you at the game tomorrow morning than," Harry said. Ginny smiled.

"I'm really sorry," She mumbled sheepishly. "I was talking to my mum, and just lost track of time, I totally forgot you were making dinner for us."

"It's ok," Harry said, "I can't beat your mum's cooking," He said with a laugh. Ginny grinned staring at Harry through the flames. Harry could still see a hint of sadness in her eyes, through the smile and flames, she couldn't hide her discontent. He wondered for a second if she could see his discontent as well.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow," Harry said standing, "Tell Lily _goodnight_ for me."

"I will, and Harry-" Harry stopped, leaning back towards the fireplace so she could see him.

"Yeah?"

"I love you too." The guilt in Harry's stomach twisted again as Harry forced a smile.

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A/N: Don't worry, there is more Harry/Snape and Harry/Draco to come, but we needed a little perspective on the marriage here.


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